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Luann DeGroot |
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Hi, I am Luann DeGroot. And this is all the hot gossip on my family and friends. Want to know how much my brother weighs? Curious about Gunther's secret passion? Wonder what's up with Tiffany? Dying to know more about Aaron Hill? Good. I'm ready to tell. Read on. Luann DeGroot: First of all, let me explain my name. Luann comes from my dad's fertile imagination. He has a two cousins, one named Lou and one named Ann. Thus, Luann. It's an okay name, except people want to say it Lu-AHn. And they always spell it like LuAnn or Luanne. But I suppose I should be grateful my dad didn't have cousins named Mo and Ron. DeGroot is a Dutch name, although there's nothing Dutch about me (those wooden shoes are way cool, though). I'm 16, I'm a Virgo and I go to Pitts School (motto: We're The Pitts!). I'm average in most every way, except I have large feet. But the best thing about me isn't me, it's my friends. So let's dish the dirt on them, shall we? |
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Bernice Halper |
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My best bud. Bernice and I share EVERYthing. Well, we don't share clothes. She's skinny and I'm... well, I'm not skinny. I honestly love Bernice but she can be SO annoying. She's one of those intelligent, quiet, sensible types who make you nuts with their nit picky perfection. And she's such a pessimist. Everything's impossible to her, except getting straight A's (which is impossible for ME). Just once, I'd love to see Bernice do something really daring, like talk to a boy. Just once I'd love to see Bernice do something really daring, like read her horoscope and BELIEVE it. |
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Delta James |
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My other best bud. The amazing thing about Delta is that she's so un-teenlike. Everyone else is all confused, insecure and messed up. But not Delta. She' totally confident and mature and together. Of course I hate her for this, but it's a loving kind of hate. The only bad thing about Delta is her ambition. She's extremely competitive and needs to succeed in everything. She'll either end up in a nut house or the White House. Same thing, I guess. |
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Frank and Nancy DeGroot |
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My parents, duh. Lots of teens don't get along with their parents. I get along with mine just fine as long as they don't get all parental. My dad is typical for a baby-boomer middle aged man: he's clueless but harmless. My mom's the one I have to be careful of. She's a lot smarter than I think she is and she knows it. But the real mystery about my parents is this: how did they produce a beautiful, smart, charming being such as myself and ALSO produce a deviant like... |
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Brad DeGroot |
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...my brother. What is it about brothers? Are they genetically programmed to be jerks or what? My brother is a slobby, greedy, selfish, lazy waste of perfectly good carbon. I honestly think the doctor didn't slap him hard enough when he was born. Oh, sure, he's handy to have around sometimes, like when you need a heavy object to prop a door open (he weighs in at, drum roll.... 225). Most of the time, we ignore each other which is hard because we share a bathroom. Please, don't get me started on his bathroom habits. I'd better move on... |
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Aaron Hill |
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Ah, yes. Now here's one of nature's marvels. I could write 300 pages on Aaron, but I'll sum it up in one word: enigmatic. I've had a crush on this boy since 3rd grade and I always thought he was absolutely flawless. But recently I've seen cracks in the perfection that make me question his fabulosity. Sometimes I think he's the best thing on two legs and other times I think he's a hopeless case. I think I adore him then I think I hate him. One thing's for sure: I think about him all the time. |
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Gunther Berger |
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Poor little Gunther. He has the school's highest IQ and lowest have-a-clue. And he believes I'm his perfect match. Excuse me? Not to be conceited or anything, but can you see me paired with him? Don't get me wrong, I do care for Gunther. There's not a sweeter, kinder, more sincere person on earth. And I'm happy to be his friend. But romance? I'm sorry, I just can't see it. I mean, that hair... Oh, his other passion is magic. Now, if he looked like David Copperfield, we'd have something to talk about. |
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Tiffany Farrell |
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Think of all the words that rhyme with 'witch' and you'll have a good description of TF. You know how Superman and Batman have all those arch enemies constantly trying to destroy them and rule the world? Well, take all those villains, roll them into one, multiply by 9000, add 5 pounds of makeup, subtract the brains and put the whole mess into a sleazy miniskirt and you have Tiffany. She's Queen Of Anyone Below Her (everyone) and she has this need to make all men on earth worship her. Sadly, they do. |
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Knute |
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Now here's a guy I really like. Not as a boyfriend, just as a cool guy. In fact, everyone likes Knute (pronounced NOOT). He's easy to like because he's so innocent. He has no ego, no hangups, no issues. Unfortunately, he also has no brains. He's no doubt the dumbest person in school. But I guess that's why he's so happy. He just sails through life on cruise control. Knute will end up being a billionaire or a burger-flipper. Either way, he'll be smilin'. |
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TJ |
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This is TJ, my brother's best friend. TJ is what parents call "a bad influence." He's
slick, sneaky and street smart. He's a scheming con man who can sweet-talk anyone
(usually Brad) into anything. He's not evil or anything, he's just not the best
person for my gullible brother to hang with. Put Mr. Sly with Mr. Slug and trouble is
bound to happen. |
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Miss Phelps |
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Our Pitts School counselor. Right there you can see a big problem with our school. How can a 40-something, up-tight, unmarried prude know what's going on in MY head? It's like Leave It To Beaver meets MTV. I have no clue about her personal life, but I'm guessing she goes home to a prissy little condo and watches old Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers movies. I've heard that she's got an eye for Mr. Fogarty, but I can't imagine her with any man. With her wall full of important academic certificates, Miss Phelps has lots of degrees, but no temperature. |
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Mr. Fogarty |
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Generally, I don't have many opinions about teachers. But I really feel for poor Mr. Fogarty. If ever there was someone in the wrong profession, it's him. Shakespearian scholar? Yes. Literary researcher? You bet. Author of 'Grammatical Analysis Of Post-Modern Poetry'? Absolutely. But put him in a room full of hyperkenetic, hormone-pumped teens and his temper boils to 'Terminally Furious.' Come to think of it, if anyone could melt Miss Phelps' icecap, it's Mr. Fogarty. Maybe their relationship is steamier than I think... |
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Puddles |
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If there's one being on earth who really understands me, listens to me, comforts me and loves me, it's my dog, Puddles. Okay, that's pathetic. But don't tell me you don't have a pet that you love WAY too much. To be honest, Puddles is smarter, more sincere and more trustworthy than most people I know. He only has one little problem. He has this bad habit of... well... let's just say that his name is no accident. |
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Crystal |
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This is one strange girl. I don't know much about her except that she's a pal of Tiffany's (that tells me she's an ignorant slimeball) and that she's sort of a Goth. Anyone who wears gray lipstick and a nail color called 'asphalt' probably sleeps hanging upside down. Frankly, I'm surprised she comes out in the daytime. Oh, and notice the choker? Hides the fang marks. |
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Toni Daytona |
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Ok, look at this gorgeous girl. Now imagine her with my brother. Kind of makes your head explode, doesn't it? They met at fire academy and actually have a lot in common. I don't know which of them is harder to picture as a firefighter: the stunning babe or the beefy slug. When they're together I can't help but think of Beauty and The Blob. Still, I have to say that Brad is a big improvement over Toni's previous boyfriend, the creepy, jerky Dirk - who's still hovering in the picture. Cue spooky music... |
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